This song is widely available but not with the verses I’ve included here, as sung by Harry Champion on record.

VERSE:

Just a couple of weeks ago my poor old Uncle Bill,
Went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will.
The other night I toddled round to see me Auntie Jane,
She said to me “Your Uncle’s left to you his watch and chain.”
I put it on right across my vest,
Thought I looked a dandy as it dangled on my chest.
Just to flash it off I started walking ’round about,
The kids they all run after me and all began to shout:

CHORUS:

Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any, old iron?
You look neat – talk about a treat,
You look a dapper from your knapper to your feet.
Dressed in style, with a brand new tile,
And your father’s old green tie on,
Oh I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron?

VERSE:

I went up the City just to have a little spree.
The Mayor of London, he was there, that’s who I went to see.
He dashed up in a canter with a carriage and a pair,
I shouted “Holler boys” and threw my hat up in the air.
Just then the Mayor he began to smile,
Saw my face and then he shouted “Lumme what a dial!”
Started a-Lord Mayoring and I though that I should die
When he pointed to my watch and chain he hollered to me “Hi!”
(Harry sings ‘told me, Hi’, but it sounds like a mistake to me)

CHORUS

VERSE:

I shan’t forget when I got married to Selina Brown.
The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown.
I began to wonder, when their dials began to crack,
If by mistake I’d got my Sunday trousers front to back.
I put my chain on my darby kell,
The sun was shining on it , well it made me look a swell.
The organ started playing and the bells began to ring,
My chain began to rattle and the choir began to sing.

CHORUS

Extra verse, which Harry does not sing:
Just to have a little bit of fun the other day,
Made up in my watch and chain I went and drew my pay.
Then got out with a lot of other Colonels on the loose,
I got full right up to here in fourp’ny stagger juice.
One of them said “We want a pot of ale
Run him to the rag shop and bung him on the scale.”
I heard the fellow say “What’s in this bundle that you’ve got”
Then whisper to me kindly “Do you want to lose your lot?”

Cady : Hat, slang
Napper : Head, slang
Mash, on the : Out drinking slang

Ginger you’re barmy!

VERSE

I’m always in the fashion, I’m a noted chap for that
So lately I’ve been walking about the streets without a hat
I do without a cady, why, it saves me half a quid
I’m like a bloomin’ saucepan on the fire without a lid
I go, you know, strolling round the town
Waves me little cane about
Girls all say ‘Look, Ginger’s on the mash’
Dig me in the ribs and shout:

CHORUS

Don’t walk about without yer cady on
Ginger you’re barmy
“Get your hair cut,” they all begin to cry
With nothing on your napper oh you are a pie
Pie must have a little bit of crust
Why don’t you wear a cady?
If you want to be a don
You want a bit of something on
To take off to a lady

VERSE

Once I went into the zoo with such a smiling face
But, oh, there was a hullabaloo when I got in the place
The keepers started chasing me, then I got in a rage
They put a chain around me neck and they bunged me in a cage
I cried: ‘I’m not a monkey, on me word!”
I had to buy them all some beer
When they let me out they told me this:
‘If you want to keep away from here

CHORUS

Don’t walk about without yer cady on
Ginger you’re barmy
“Get your hair cut,” they all begin to cry
With nothing on your napper oh you are a pie
Pie must have a little bit of crust
Why don’t you wear a cady?
If you want to be a don
You want a bit of something on
To take off to a lady

VERSE

The missis took me in a pub, the governor mister hogg
He stroked me ears, he giv’ me a cake, he took me for a dog
A (indistinct, will check sheet music and correct) shouted out with all his might
Look out here comes the North Pole with the top half all alight
My wife said that me napper’s like a sieve
It’s full of little holes I’ll bet
When it rains it will let the water in
And then your feet will both get wet

CHORUS

Don’t walk about without yer cady on
Ginger you’re barmy
“Get your hair cut,” they all begin to cry
With nothing on your napper oh you are a pie
Pie must have a little bit of crust
Why don’t you wear a cady?
If you want to be a don
You want a bit of something on
To take off to a lady

CHORUS

Don’t walk about without yer cady on
Ginger you’re barmy
“Get your hair cut,” they all begin to cry
With nothing on your napper oh you are a pie
Pie must have a little bit of crust
Why don’t you join the army
If you want to be a don
You want a bit of something on
Ginger you’re barmy!

Lyrics for Room 504, as sung by Vera Lynn (pictured), Hutch (Leslie Hutchinson), Adelaide Hall

VERSE:
Such a big hotel a very grand one
Right upon the avenue
We could not afford it
But sweet, I just adored it
My very first and only rendezvous

CHORUS:
In room five hundred and four
So sweet a room so strange and new
It was romance, a dream come true
That perfect honeymoon alone with you
In room five hundred and four

We turned the key in the door
We hadn’t dared to ask the price
That kind of thrill can’t happen twice
And who could bargain over paradise
In room five hundred and four

The lovely night, the starlight above
The sleeping town below
And in the dark you said, my love
The dearest things I know

We don’t live there anymore
But still in memory I adore
The sweetest room I ever saw
A seventh heaven on the old fifth floor
Our room five hundred and four

One-of-a-kind Custom Olds Ambassador Eclipse trumpet conversion! (now sold)

A total one-off, Olds Ambassador rebuilt and refinished and converted to Eclipse tuning by the respected UK boutique maker. I have had it for three years and played it in many professional engagements and in a music video. I bought it on ebay for US$720 (£440) I then paid import tax and postage. I have taken great care of it and it is still in excellent condition with no dents and the finish is still close to that of a new horn. It plays amazingly well, and you are welcome to come and try it at my office in Bethnal Green, East London before the end of the auction – the players I know who have tried it have loved how well it plays. I am selling it because I have a number of trumpets and now a small baby. This horn is one of my favourites, but I need to reduce the collection.
No mouthpiece or case, will package well for postal delivery, or you can collect from Bethnal Green or Woodford.

The following text is written by the guy I bought the horn from, three years ago. The condition of the horn is still excellent as he describes

“Serial # 2XXXXX dates the horn from 1958
Up for sale today is another horn from my personal collection. I’ve recently bought a new horn so this one is up for sale. I made the switch to mostly Vintage horns as my belief is that they truly sound better than any modern instruments being currently manufactured. This is a great example out of my collection that I’m selling. This is truly a one-of-a-kind item. My new rule is “buy one, sell one” and since I just acquired another horn so I have to let go of one of my own.
This is a wonderful 1958 Olds Ambassador Trumpet that Leigh McKinney at http://www.eclipsetrumpets.com customized into a dual-tuning model. If you don’t know about the Eclipse trumpets they feature rear-bell fixed tuning. It’s a truly revolutionary design that stabilizies the attack and makes connections extremely consistent.

An Ambassador? Why not an Opera, or Mendez you say? Well, truth be told the Olds Ambassador horns have had a resurgence over the past few years. The valvesets are the same (even though these now are MUCH tighter than the older Olds of the time)… the materials are very much the same. Hey, if the Ambassador was good enough for Lee Morgan to record some of his Blue Note Albums on it must be pretty darn great!
You’ve seen them go for a great deal of money online on ebay. This is the Ambassador on steriods. Here’s a brief list of what’s been done to custom modify this horn as well as some words about how these horns (I think fewer than 10 have been made… Leigh’s company took off and he stopped making conversions around 2004) play:
(material found online at www.trumpetmaster.com)
Street price for the conversion was about $1K in 2004, without the horn. So you’re getting a heck of a deal if you go through with the trade.

The horn is an Olds Ambassador that Leigh McKinney (Eclipse trumpets) custom modified. He describes another horn below (my horn is scratch silver with gold accents and polished silver bell… it’s quite stunning).

“Hiya George (who got the first conversion, his was in brushed lacquer… mine is in silver plate).
Just a few words about your horn! This is what we did:-
Took the whole thing back to component parts to repair or resurface each part (its easier to get to everything properly)
The 1st and 3rd slides have been reversed so they could take Eclipse ring and saddle and work like most modern horns do.
The valve section was re-surfaced due to a lot of wear over the years.
The bell was cut into 3 pieces and assembled like an eclipse bell with the tuning slide at the back of the bell.
Of course each horn is different, so we must put the same length back into the bell that we have cut out, so the bottom slide length tends to vary a little.
I considered taking away the front tuning,but i wanted to keep as much as i could of the amazing craftwork that originally went into this horn.
Same with the braces!
So what we have here is a horn that benefits from an Eclipse tuning slide which can be used on its own by closing off the front tuning totally and just tuning with the back slide,, creating great slotting.
Or you can reverse the prosess and use only the traditional front tuning, giving you that same olds ambassador feel.
We were very lucky with this model as it worked out that you can actually use both tuning slides together at different lengths of pull to fine tune the instrument and it sounds fantastic.
We have had 3 pro players try it and they all agreed that it was worthy of being used in many of their playing situations (but we already knew that about olds ambassadors anyway didnt we!)

Noel Langley, Eclipse Artist, said this about the modified horns.

Hi George – I am going to nail my colours to the mast and say that (IMHO) you will soon be taking delivery of THE best looking and best sounding Olds Ambassador on the planet!
I, along with many British players have long been a fan of Olds instruments. Maybe its to do with the robust and business like construction of these horns, or the many design innovations this company was responsible for implementing and refining, but whenever you play an Olds you have the feeling that you have a very serious piece of kit in your hands. Whilst it is true that the Ambassadorhad the reputation of being a ‘student horn’ – compared to sophisticated trumpets like the Recording or the Mendez – we have to bear in mind that they wre made by the same master craftsmen to the same exacting standards and from the same standard of component parts as the premium Olds brands. We all know that these horns have far more substance to them than any modern entry level horns and are more than a match for many ‘pro’ lines.
What Leigh has done with the raw materials you sent him has taken this honest work-horse of the trumpet world to a whole new level. First of all i have to say that the horn looks absolutely gorgeous – those pictures do not do it justice at all. The horn gleams and glistens and all of the Eclipse additions to the instrument look as if they were always meant to be there. If anything the extra weight included in the rear tuning slide assembley has improved the balance and feel of the horn in the hand. I must say that I find the slide stop sits particularly well on an Olds as its design was inspired by the third valve slide stop on a vintage olds super . The way that Leigh has picked out the Olds badge, along with the usual Eclipse highlights is absolutely stunning – so now on to the good news!
It plays like a dream and you basically have two great horns in one. Using the front slide you have the classic sound and feel of a beautifuly restored Ambassador – warm, dark, open and flexible. Using the rear slide you can experience the greater projection, firmer slotting and deadly accurate intonation that you would expect from an Eclipse trumpet. The sound is also considerably brighter, more dense and with a much more even feel over the whole register. There is also the opportunity to graduate the change between these two extremes by using both slides in combination. I think you will have hours of fun experimenting with this new feature – I predict that your practice sessions may double in length or frequency without even realising it! I was very tempted to try to smuggle this horn out of the factory under my coat yesterday – and came back today so that I could have one more session on it before it gets sent back home.
It would be great to hear your thoughts George – I’ll be very interested to see which slide you prefer using and in which situations. Enjoy!
Noel.”

The horn’s overall condition is excellent. The valves (see the pic) are like new smooth and feel like they are brand new. The horn has no dents or dings. The finish is in good shape. This horn could pass for barely used instrument.

No Case or MPC included with this sale.
This horn is truly a one in a kind instrument so please only serious bidders/questions only.

On Aug-03-08 at 18:43:52 PDT, seller added the following information:

Also worth mentioning that the Eclipse model trumpet sells for around 2000GBP. I’ve owned Eclipse (was an artist rep for the company) and think this horn plays pretty darn close to that horn!
I will record soundclips tomorrow and post them soon.

On Aug-07-08 at 16:30:55 PDT, seller added the following information:

Sorry for the delay but I’ve uploaded 3 sound files to my website (originally www.trentaustin.com, now below):

MP3 of Trent playing the horn with Eclipse tuning

MP3 of Trent playing the horn with Olds tuning

MP3 of Trent playing the horn with mixed tuning

I recorded them on my Zoom H4 with no editing. They are totally raw, low-fi mp3 takes.

Trent Austin”

Please contact me for offers and more details. Geoff

Third Sector Consultation

The project was in three stages, and for the first stage we worked with Mark to consult widely with the third sector (community, voluntary and faith organisations) in Tower Hamlets to see what the needs were for a CVS website and what they hoped we would achieve. Mark conducted focus groups, telephone interviews and we developed an online survey tool to get responses from a wide range of stakeholders.

Design

We developed a logo and identity for the organisation working closely with the interim board steering the creation of the new CVS. And using the information we gathered in the community consultation, we developed a site map for the website, planning content and navigation.

Content Management System (CMS) Build

Because the new CVS will need to have complete control over their new website we worked with Sumac to implement a content management system for the site. Sumac also developed a custom database to collect and display information about the hundreds of organisations in Tower Hamlets the CVS will represent.

Conventional Offset Lithographic Press, or ‘Litho’

This is how most printed things you see have been produced.

What it’s good for Litho is good if you need a large number of copies of the same thing, and allows you a lot of flexibility in the sort of paper and inks you can use.

How it works ‘Films’, special high resolution printouts on acetate are made and the printer uses them make a set of ‘plates’. These ‘plates’ are mounted in the printing press and impressions of the image on the plates are made in ink on paper. (actually, the plates lay ink onto special rubber rollers, which in turn put the ink onto the paper, hence the term ‘offset’) It is important to realise that there are initial costs involved in setting up a press – making films and plates, cleaning the press of inks from the last job, mixing and loading the inks etc. This makes litho unsuitable for very short runs, but it is usually the most cost-effective method for a long run. Most presses are A2, but a few large presses are A1 in size, these are often used for printing a large number of different pages together.

Digital Print (Indigo Turbostream)

What it’s good for Digital print is a cost effective way of printing small quantities of full colour material. Business cards are a classic example – 250 business cards can be made out of less than 20 sheets of A3 card – this would cost far more on a litho press. Typically, runs that consist of up to 200 A3 sheets are more cost effective to run digitally. But digital presses use the four colour process, so the colours on your business cards won’t match your 2 colour letterhead! (See my article on colour matching)

How it works Digital presses are rather like large, fast, high quality laser printers. They can also handle quite heavy paper, unlike real laser printers. Files are output directly from a computer, and can be personalised – your customer’s name in full colour right in the flow of text. This makes it a powerful solution for direct mail. They can go up to A3 in size.

Large format inkjet

What it’s good for Large format inkjet printers are an excellent solution for short-run or one-off posters and for clothing exhibition display and point-of-sale stands. Using different materials to print on, you can make custom full-colour cloth banners, translucent window graphics, printed mirror-like wall hangings – even those plastic ribbed pictures that wink at you as you walk past. None of this is cheap, however.

How it works An inkjet printer, just like the one you’ve probably got on your desk, is modified so that it can print quickly on wide rolls of paper. Special inks may be used which can survive long-term exposure to weather. Any number of different ‘substrates’ can be printed on, from glossy paper to cloths. It is usually priced per copy, with no volume discount. Electrostatic prints, now dying out, are a cheaper, lower quality alternative.

Screen printing

What it’s good for When you need a number of copies of a large poster, or need to use ‘special’ colours like silver, screenprinting may be your solution. It has the added advantage that you may print onto solid plastics, even metal.

How it works Just like the silk-screen machine you probably had at school, or saw when you watched that Andy Warhol documentary. Once screens are made, making multiple copies is cheap – unlike inkjet prints where each copy costs.

You probably need a GIF (.gif) or PNG (.png) file. These are ‘bitmap’ files (pictures made of dots), and will be easily imported by Office applications. Don’t use JPEG (.jpg) files – they are unsuitable for logos – they are intended for colour photographs. I prefer GIF or PNG files because they use up less disc space, but bigger BMP (.bmp) files are an alternative. You might also be able to use a EMF (enhanced metafile) format, which is a vector format and so has  the advantages of the EPS file I describe below, but may be difficult for beginners to work with. You can make an EMF file with Adobe Illustrator. Here’s an interesting but quite advanced tutorial on how to set up stationery in Word

For a web page

For this you need a GIF or PNG file. Don’t try to scale it though! You should use it at its exact pixel size and ask for a new version if you want a different size.

Professional print

Here the GIF file is all but useless. You need an EPS or PDF file. These are ‘Vector’ files. (see below) Because EPS files are big, I often convert them to PDF which results in a smaller file which is less likely to get corrupted when emailed. When I originally wrote this piece, it was still usual to send a Quark document together with the logo EPS to the printer, together with the fonts you used. Now professional designers usually supply a PDF file of the whole job. Although PDF is suitable for holding a single logo file, it can also be used for multipage documents with crops and bleeds and so is perfect for supplying print-ready artwork.

Definitions

Bitmap files are made up of rows and columns of dots. When you enlarge them, you can see the dots. Examples are JPG, GIF, PNG, BMP.

GIF format logo	Blockyness when enlarging bitmap

 
 
BMP Bit Map Picture files are commonly used on Windows PCs. They are not suitable for transfer across the Internet, because they are poorly compressed.

EPS Encapsulated Postscript Files are vector files and used by printers, designers and other graphics professionals. Logos designed in Illustrator or Freehand (most are) will be originally in this format. From this file, you can make as many ‘bitmap’ versions at whatever size you choose. They are infinitely scalable.

GIF Graphic Interchange Format. This sort of bitmap file is very good for simple line art, logos and icons. It is rubbish for photos.

JPEG Joint Photographic Experts Group files are bitmaps which are great for photos but very poor for logos or text. See the side by side comparison below:

GIF format logo	JPEG format logo

 
 
PDF Portable Document Format are vector files and used by printers, designers and for general document distribution. They have all the advantages of EPS format and a smaller file size.

PNG Portable Network Graphics files are bitmap files. The format was invented to replace GIF which has problems with patent requirements. The format supports a wider range of options than GIF and is well supported by web browsers. It should not be used for professional print.

Vector files are made up of mathematically described geometric lines and shapes (rather than coloured dots) and so will never get ‘blocky’, whatever size you print them. Examples of vector formats are EPS, AI, PDF, EMF.

Printing inks

Spot colours don’t match process colours. Spot colours are mixed up in a bucket like paint. They are often used when printing in two colours – on letterheads, for example. The printer then puts this coloured ink into his machine. Process colours, on the other hand are used when you print in full colour, required for colour photos, and are a mixture of Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Black inks. Tiny dots of these inks are printed on the paper in varying sizes – these dots make up the different colours. If you look very closely at a colour picture in a newspaper you’ll see these dots.

Using spot colours enables you to achieve special colours like metalics, fluorescents and very vivid colours. Process colours allow you to faithfully reproduce photographs. Spot colours and process colours will not match

Different paper equals different colour

The same ink colours will look different when printed on different papers. This effect is most noticeable when the same colour is seen on Glossy and letterhead paper. The colour on letterhead paper looks much duller. Try it yourself by marking a newspaper, letterhead and magazine page with a felt tip pen. The same ink on different papers will not match

On-screen colours are off-target colours

Colours you see on screen are never the same as those you see on a printed page. Screens make up colours by using glowing phosphors in Red Green and Blue varieties. Full colour printed paper uses inks that are Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Black. What you see onscreen is often wildly different to what you’ll see on the printed page.

My screen’s better than your screen!

Colours vary widely from monitor to monitor. There are a host of reasons. Different brightness or contrast settings. How old your monitor is and who made it. Different software colour-matching. (Windows has some colour matching built in.) Even the same file viewed in different applications will probably look different.

So what can we do about it?

Well, at Premonition we work very hard to make sure the colours in your work are consistent and well reproduced. We take care when scanning images that we capture as much detail in the originals as possible. We then adjust contrast carefully to preserve the important detail while giving the pictures the right amount of ‘punch’. We check process and spot colours against special printed ‘swatch books’. Most of all, we apply our experience of thousands of successful print jobs to ensure that you get the best from your colours.

How can I open it?

You need special software to read the PDF file, but that software is FREE.

You can download the FREE Adobe Acrobat Reader from Adobe’s web site.

Alternatively, it will be on most free CDs you get with computer magazines. Or ask your IT support to install Adobe Acrobat Reader for you.

Why do you use PDF files?

We use PDF files because they are the only way we can send you documents that look like the final product will look. You can zoom in and read even small text, which you could not do if we just sent you screenshots. You can print it out, and although the photos might look a bit ‘blocky’, text and diagrams will remain legible. And you can look at them on all major platforms – PC, Mac, Linux, Palm, Pocket PC… the list goes on. It’s a great step forward.

So the final product will look exactly like this PDF, huh?

Well, no. The colours won’t match exactly. There are a number of reasons for this, but the main one is that ink on a page is never quite the same colour as glowing phosphors on a PC monitor. Here at Premonition we go to great lengths to ensure your colour output is optimal, but that doesn’t mean it will exactly match. See ‘why don’t the colours match?’. Also any pictures will be ‘blockier’ than they will be in the final printed piece, because information has been taken away so that the file travels quickly across the Internet.